Friday, April 18, 2008

Dominant Woman

Lorraine was a 40 year old woman, decent looking. I met her from the internet personals. My internet profile said very bluntly that I wasn't looking for a relationship. And she was totally cool with that.

I found out she likes heavy metal just like me so we had some common ground right off the bat.

We chatted a lot on MSN first. I flirted a lot with her. At one point she sent me a picture of herself in lingerie. She hoped it wasn't too forward, but I told her it was a very nice picture.

She talked about her eye color. I said I would like to look at her eyes up close.

We met for coffee. She was dressed in this sexy black outfit, goth-like but not overdone. She was wearing fishnet stockings. Very nice. I actually told her not to wear something overly sexy because it might turn me on too much. And of course she does just that. She said she knew I would like them.

It did feel a little bit awkward at first since we had chatted so much on MSN, and I was worried that maybe I couldn't maintain congruency with the image of the guy she had from chatting online.

She made a comment that I didn't look into her eyes like I said in the chat. She seemed a bit pissed about it. That threw me a bit. I then looked into her eyes and made a comment on their nice color.

I eventually got in the groove and was kino'ing her, like rubbing her leg underneath the table while making a comment on the nice stockings she's wearing. She was enjoying it.

I suggested we chill at my place and watch a movie. She balked at that: "Watch a movie!" She said we should go to this alternative club instead, which we had talked a bit about. I said sure. It did feel more natural to do that anyway since she had gotten all dressed up.

We went outside to her car and her tire was flat. She said no worries as it happened sometimes before (it was an old car). So she took out an air pump, plugged it into the cigarette lighter and inflated the tire. We got in and off we went.

It was a nice club. They were playing good music, like Depeche Mode. Very retro.

We got cozier. I got my groove on ("leverage" as I liked to call it), and we danced and made out a lot. Other people were checking us out as we were by far the most amorous couple there. We stayed for a few hours.

We then went back to my place, and got hot and heavy. But I soon noticed one major difference from other girls I had been with. She wanted to be in control sexually and do the leading. It didn't seem like the usual type of (token) resistance I was used to. She would put the brakes on and ask me why I'm rushing. That made me think. Was I really rushing? I had taken the same amount of time (30-45 minutes) I usually do before getting to sex so that couldn't have been a problem, in the relative sense.

I kept persisting though. But it didn't get anywhere. Even the act of persisting and using masculine aggression didn't seem to turn her on. So it's not like she was fighting against herself and resisting me that way. She was resisting me because she wasn't the type of woman who would respond to that sort of thing.

She wasn't having sexual intercourse and that was that. She kept saying I was rushing things. I told her that she's the first woman to bring that up. My ego was deflated. But I figured I should get to the bottom of this, at least so I can learn something from it.

I told her that I was used to being the one who took the lead sexually, and that she was not responding the way girls usually did. She then told me that she likes to be in charge. She was clearly a dominant woman. She said that she liked to just kiss and makeout (foreplay) for hours with a guy and then still wouldn't have actual sex, except maybe once in a while. It seemed that penetration for her felt like she was giving up control.

We talked a lot about gender roles. It felt very emasculating having a woman shut you down sexually and then try to explain the significance of your sexuality to her.

I managed to regroup mentally and said "so you wanna f*ck or what?" She burst out laughing. But wouldn't. I said "okay cool". And then a few minutes later: "so you wanna f*ck?" More laughter from her. But again, no. I wasn't entirely joking either. I felt drained. But I didn't sense that she had lost attraction for me. She was just a dominant woman. It was the way she was wired. It wasn't like the kind of woman who is putting on a dominant act and is repressing her femininity. This was real.

She offered me a blowjob saying that she really knows how to please. I accepted. It was amazing. She was a true pro. Swallowing even. Afterwards she told me I'm very healthy lol.

She spent the night. The next morning on her way out, she made a comment that maybe we can hang out again. But I ignored it. The arrangement she would have wanted just didn't work for me. She was a very nice woman, but just too dominant for me.

She emails me two weeks later asking if we could at least be friends. I didn't respond.

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